“Take responsibility for your own happiness; never put it in other people’s hands.” -Roy T. Bennett

The past two years of therapy, one of the biggest things we worked on was self-care. As a chronic people-pleaser, the thought of self-care seemed innately selfish…impossible even. I barely enjoyed the things I used to love because it took too much energy just to get started. Adding parenting into the mix, I felt like the cards were stacked against me.

By 2024, though, I knew I had to get my mental health under control. If not for me, then for my family. By 2025, I made a promise to myself to put self-care first. Through that, I’ve learned so much about the importance of meeting my own needs in order to truly love on others.

So cheers to a little over six months of taking myself seriously. Falling in love with myself. And taking control. Here’s a bit of what I’ve learned, what I’ve (surprisingly) accomplished along the way, and all the ways it’s helped me show up better for others.

Society as a whole likes to say it values self-care, often by pushing the next product or trend. Now, please don’t take this as me demonizing those things, because I’m not. Self-care is different for everyone.

But it’s also not limited to physical things. Self-care shows up in so many different ways: through your hobbies, through therapy and medication, setting boundaries, closing doors to open new ones, going to the doctor and taking care of your health, working out, reading, learning, empathizing or just overall trying to better yourself.No matter how that may look.

For me, medicine and therapy was my first step. Later came my ability to fall in love with my hobbies again. Like running. I started with a couch to 5k and now I am stronger and working towards a half marathon with my longest distance being 8 miles. I didn’t go in with the intention to lose weight. I simply just had the goal to fall in love with my body and what it is capable of. Now I am 40 pounds down, my blood pressure is back within normal range, and I have more energy to love on my people.

Self-care is self-discovery and self-acceptance. I think, oftentimes, parts of our society would rather demonize these things, because they involve turning inward. But self-reflection and self-betterment always work out better for everyone in the end.

Because personal, individual development can’t help but be good for the collective. Especially a diverse collective.

That being said, one thing our society doesn’t do a good job of is allowing people the time and space to truly take care of themselves. Between working long hours just to afford basic living expenses, or struggling to find babysitters because of financial limits or lack of resources, it’s hard to prioritize self-care.

Our society has really lost its sense of community and its ability to work together as a collective. Everything feels like a give-or-take transaction, instead of doing things simply out of love for others. We have pitted ourselves against each other.

Now, don’t take that as me saying we should let people walk all over us. What I’m saying is that we’ve lost our sense of community as a whole… and I think a big part of that is our inability to take care of ourselves, meet our own needs, take personal accountability and responsibility, and feel valued and secure in who we are.

The reality is, not everyone has the accessibility to practice self-care in the ways we often talk about. Many people are limited by circumstances and have to get creative just to carve out a little space for themselves. Some people are simply in a different spot in their growth, and that can be ok, too. And none of this is meant to judge or overlook the very real barriers many face. Self-care looks different for everyone, and sometimes it simply means surviving another day. But growth is our personal responsibility. Be open to feedback. Stay humble. Keep growing. Keep discovering. And take yourself seriously. Because you are worth showing up for.

Much Love,

Shay