“The moment you become aware of the ego in you, it is strictly speaking no longer the ego, but just an old, conditioned mind-pattern. Ego implies unawareness.” -Eckhart Tolle

I’ve always been the first to say that being selfish isn’t inherently wrong. I have countless blogs about self-care and putting yourself first. I constantly encourage therapy, self-love, and self-expression. But lately, I’ve been thinking about another side of that … one that took me a long time to embrace, but became an important part of my self-growth.

As people, we can only truly know what’s going on inside ourselves. That naturally makes us self-important. And self-importance isn’t bad in itself. Where things get muddy is when we get so caught up in our own feelings, thoughts, and experiences that we start projecting them onto everyone else. We forget that everyone is living life for the first time too … that every moment is brand new for them, just like it is for us.

We get angry. We stop allowing space for growth … in ourselves and other because of our own hurt and biases. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not naïve. Some people do have ill intentions. But most don’t. Most people are just over self-absorbed. Lost in the abyss of ego. Can you blame them? Look at what our culture glorifies.

You see it everywhere. Someone says, “If you’re not going to make an effort for me, then fine … goodbye.” And sure, sometimes that’s fair. Boundaries matter. But it also shuts the door too quickly. Instead of pausing to consider that the other person might be going through something, or maybe just misunderstood a boundary, we write them off.

It happens again when people claim they’re “too grown for drama” or refuse to engage in conversations they consider trivial. They position themselves above the conflict, yet still share opinions without leaving room for discussion. That’s not growth … that’s avoidance dressed as maturity. Real growth isn’t about disengaging from every uncomfortable dialogue; it’s about learning to engage without ego.

And silence isn’t bad, either. Sometimes silence is peace. But it’s silly to demand the freedom to speak your truth while refusing to handle what comes with it. True growth means realizing that if you’re grown enough to share your opinion, you should also be grown enough to hold space for discussion. Expression without accountability isn’t wisdom … it’s performance.

At the end of the day, we have to do better … not by tiptoeing around each other, but by being more mindful. It’s not about being silent or agreeable; it’s about being self-aware and open-minded enough to recognize that our perspective isn’t the only one in the room.

There’s room for both … protecting your peace and being open-minded. At times, your limits dictate your choices, and that’s completely valid. Protecting your energy, saying no, or only engaging with people who reciprocate is part of healthy self-care and healing. But that is just a step, not the end point of growth. Healing doesn’t mean creating a perfectly safe bubble; it means learning how to interact with the world without losing yourself.

When you’re healed, you know how to fill your own cup, and you can also pour into others even when they aren’t able to fill yours in return. You’ll have people who do both … people who support and encourage you, and the ability to give to others from a place of stability. Healing expands your capacity for empathy, generosity, and connection without losing yourself.

Emotional growth is knowing where you are, understanding your limits, and honoring them. Emotional maturity is being able to fill yourself and others … even when it’s challenging … without losing balance or experiencing pain. Emotional maturity can take many forms. It isn’t about being “further along” than someone else, or about fitting into one ideal of compassion. As humans, we have the capacity to exist in multiple emotional spaces at once … to be self-protective in some moments, generous in others, firm here, and empathetic there … all without contradiction. True maturity is learning to navigate those spaces intentionally.

It’s also important not to let titles, labels, or mental health challenges define who you are. Healing is hard … I can’t even begin to imagine what some people go through … but your experiences don’t have to become your identity. They can become fuel for growth. The greatest people weren’t defined by their circumstances or struggles, but by their perseverance, their ability to navigate hardship, and their choice to keep moving forward. Emotional maturity means using your experiences … even painful ones … to build resilience, compassion, and perspective, without letting them limit or define you.

I’m only at this point in my healing journey today … six months from now, I’ll be somewhere else entirely. We’re all just trying to exist, navigating life as best we can. The only perspective we can truly know is our own, and part of growth is allowing that same space for others … understanding that their path may look different, move at a different pace, or take unexpected turns.

Healing isn’t a straight line. Some days, it feels like you’re moving backward, revisiting old patterns or pain … and that’s okay. Growth isn’t about perfection; it’s about learning to respond to setbacks with curiosity, patience, and compassion, both for yourself and for others.

So keep growing.

Humbly,

Shay

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