“Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.” ~ Anais Nin

The other day I was sipping on a cup of coffee, enjoying the new coolness that fall has gifted us when I received a call. It wasn’t a particularly strange call to get, as it was from one of my oldest friends. She is in the midst of postpartum, and like most moms, she’s juggling far beyond what anyone can comprehend. So there was no question as to why her heart was aching as she spoke to me, her throat catching every time she mentioned her other friend who came from thousands of miles away to be with her son while she gave birth. A true treasure of a friend. I knew she missed her. They had been part of every moment of each other’s lives growing up. I can only begin to imagine how that must feel being so far apart from someone who used to be your every day. And there is just something about friendships that feel more like family.

Then she asked something along the lines of “Why is it so hard making friends as an adult? I just want friendships that don’t require strings.” And I felt that.

It is so hard to make friends as an adult. In school, we had it ready made. People had connections and ways of meeting others all in one small space. As adults, that space becomes the whole world. And the world has rules… norms you have to play by. People become more focused on themselves and lose track of everyone else and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. It’s a “dog eat dog” type of world.

But I often wonder what the world would be like if we were able to balance self love and care with love for our community and surroundings. Why do they have to be different? Why can’t they be the same? When self love could also mean loving your community and self care could mean caring for those around you. Why do we choose to see people struggle instead of striving to lift people up?

What if we chose friendships without strings attached because we choose to strive to be the best versions of ourselves for each other. And when we are down, we love and help without judgment. It doesn’t mean we give up our boundaries but instead maintain them while still being a loving friend and neighbor.

So to my beautiful wise mom friend, thank you for reminding me to love without strings.

Yours,

Shay

Let me know what you think in the comments!

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