“Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.” ~ Oscar Wilde

A hard reality is realizing that November is halfway over and we’re almost to December. And this year has been… rough? I’d say that’s putting it lightly. Every day seems to bring something new, challenges, surprises, and sometimes heavy reminders of just how strange and unpredictable life can feel. Since 2020, every year has felt like a new episode of The Twilight Zone, usually ending with petrifying realizations. Each one seems heavier than the last. We’ve watched greed consume everything it touches, faced ugly truths, and seen people choose convenience over morality.

Living in this era is strange. The first generation of kids is completely submerged in technology, everything just a scroll or tap away. The generations before cling to any semblance of physical closeness they can, often turning away from technology just to feel more human. We’re in a kind of limbo, we want to be close to each other, but we’ve forgotten how. The spaces that were once readily available for connection, classrooms, parks, and clubs, now feel like empty shells. Instinctively, we want each other’s presence, but that instinct has faded into oblivion. We built bridges between ourselves, slowly letting them wither as we retreated into our safe corners of thought, never challenging, never questioning.

Closeness requires multiple layers of honesty, honesty with yourself, honesty with reality, and honesty between you and another person. Relationship honesty means facing someone else’s truth. Sometimes their truth can live alongside ours and still be real. That makes many of us uncomfortable. It is easier to stay in our own lanes, repeating the versions of reality we’re comfortable with, suggesting empathy but not truly choosing it. This retreat has cost us not only the space between each other, but even some of our own morality. Love shouldn’t be performative, a way to check off the boxes of social norms. It should be about authenticity, coming to each other as we are.

We spend so much time worrying about expectations that were never really ours, giving up even the smallest parts of ourselves, the parts that actually allow us to connect. We think following the rules will build a sense of connection, but often it does the opposite, it pushes us apart, creates competition, and fosters disconnection. And now, we live in a society craving authenticity, craving real people, and real people don’t fit neatly into the small metal boxes we try to place them in.

It makes me wonder if we’re meant to chase expectations just to check boxes we never agreed to, only to reach the end with nothing but waiting for a beyond we cannot completely comprehend.

We can accept that we are social creatures, but healthy relationships require us to face ourselves first. We have to feel secure in ourselves before we can genuinely engage with others, and that security looks different for everyone. At its core, the reality is the same for all of us. Whether we are a wealthy person craving more money and power, or someone struggling just to find the next meal, we are all striving for the same thing, to make it through this life and feel safe and loved by the people around us. After all, we don’t know why we’re here, only that we are.

Recognizing our shared struggles is not an excuse for harmful behavior or a reason to lower our standards. Instead, it should inspire us to strive for better conditions, more opportunities, and greater compassion, generosity, and empathy. These should be the centerpieces of our lives.

We choose the end of the year to celebrate with family and friends, but too often we value expectation over genuine love and authenticity. That just… sucks. Maybe it shows how much false safety we’ve constructed for ourselves, enough to sit and talk about things without ever truly reaching out to make them better. Instead, we brush off the things that never even reach our doorstep, and in doing so, we’ve sealed ourselves off.

With thoughtfulness,

Shay

Let me know what you think in the comments!

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