“A year from now you may wish you had started today.” ~ Karen Lamb

A few moons ago, our Earth entered into the longest phase of darkness, shifting from the rust of autumn into the dust of night. And if you live anywhere outside of Texas in the Western Hemisphere, it is winter for you. This season is always a time for reflection, whether you honor the solstice or celebrate the New Year. Either way, the hope is the same as we fill our bucket lists or resolutions with intentions. In honor of this season of aspiration, I want to share 12 lessons this year has quietly … and sometimes loudly professed to me:

1. The first two miles feel impossible, the rest feels attainable. Funnily enough, I thought about this while I was running, but I think it rings true for a lot of life. The beginning of anything always feels like the hardest part and it doesn’t really get easier, you just fall more into a working rhythm. Human beings are creatures of comfort, and change is the opposite of comfort. I would even say it feels dangerous, but I promise you, those first two steps or two miles are the hardest part. Once you start, the rest feels possible.

2. Focus only on what you have the ability to control. If you want to save yourself stress in life, worry only about the things you have control over. Truthfully, the only thing you have that capability over is yourself. The happiest people in life don’t worry about what others are doing; rather, they cultivate their environments within their control. They consume positivity instead of hate and work to better themselves.

3. The act of kindness is infectious. It is one thing you are going to say you’re going to do something, it is another thing to actually take action. About a year ago I had an idea to make goodie bags for people experiencing homelessness but I never actually took action. Then this past semester I had to do a project that required us to do something beneficial for someone outside of ourselves, so I took this as an opportunity to breathe life into this idea. An idea that taught me that actions inspire other actions. When people saw me hand out goody bags, there were many times that others were inspired to give as well. Our biggest strength as humans is our ability to cultivate community, so we should always strive to act kindly beyond ourselves. In places where we have privileges, we should help in ways we can and learn without judgment. The true impact of kindness spreads to the people around you.

4. Hard truth: Relationships require inconvenience (and that’s okay)
We live in a time where convenience is stitched into the fabric of our cultural. Almost everything seems to arrive the moment we want it, so any inconvenience can feel frustrating. But some of the best things in life… including relationships, come through the experience of inconvenience. It is in these moments that we have the opportunity to connect through selfless kindness and strengthen the bonds with the people we choose to cherish. Show up. Be present. And embrace the company.

5. Authenticity is the key to finding yourself
In an era of imposters, your true self sits within authenticity. I have spoken about this moment in a few details a couple of times, but only a few years ago, I set out on a journey to mold myself into the older version of me that I longed to be. But in order to do that, I had to be honest with myself about who I was and what I had to do to sit at the table with her once again… the table that held the different versions of me. This truth is terrifying, but it is mandatory.

6. You could always know more
Never think you know the most. Have you ever heard of that saying, “Ignorance is bliss, knowledge is power”? I like to look at it more like: ignorance is the illusion of bliss; knowledge is the counter to power. Learning is the ultimate gift you can give yourself, and that comes in many different ways, but all require you to go without expectation or ego. Be open to the idea that you don’t know everything… because you could always know more.

7. Grit is built in showing up
When I used to think about the word grit, a hard-muscled body instantly popped up in my head. Their hard work, dedication, and maybe slightly obsessive regimen of making healthy choices led to the type of body they envisioned for themselves. It was a beyond-me kind of word until this year. I raised kids, ran a half- marathon, and obtained my Associates with the highest Latin honors… all things I once thought I could never achieve because I once couldn’t even brush my hair or get out of bed. True grit is showing up for yourself on the days that feel impossible, even when moving on with your life is asking for help. Grit is smoothing out the edges of your life through continuous small, intentional steps. The best version of you still shows up tired.

8. Nature’s conditions balance
This was my first year hosting a pollinator garden, introducing me to so many wonderful little creatures that I had never even heard of. But one thing I learned every day is that nature demands balance. Where something takes, it will always have to give back. The scale will always be weighted to balance eventually, even when we don’t want it to be.

9. Life can exist in a space of two truths
In philosophy, there is a concept known as dialectics. Although there is more to it, the overall idea is that two ideas can be true at once. Humans are complex creatures, and the universe even more so. Much of the space we exist in is gray, but we live in the prison of black-and-white thinking. Your mind can be your prison or your liberation.

10. In hard times, lean on the people in your circle
This past semester, I had to take a psychology class (probably one of my favorite classes), and the main conclusion it led me to is that human beings need each other. We thrive off companionship. Yes, I am talking to you too, introverts. Now more than ever, these times call for us to lean on the family and friends we have built and to reach for the grassroots of our community to thrive. That is where our strength lies.

11. Boundaries are one of the best expressions of love, not selfishness
As a chronic people-pleaser, this was a hard lesson to learn, but boundaries are loving. I was never taught how to set healthy boundaries, so this year was filled with navigating this realm with both grace and wisdom. Boundaries are a way of saying, “I am not capable of giving this to you; your energy on this is better spent elsewhere.”

12. Take advantage of “third spaces”
As digital spaces begin to consume our daily lives, we become increasingly isolated from each other. Slowly, it has become harder to connect with one another, feeling entitled to time but never really learning how to communicate. We embrace authenticity like a tall glass of ice water on a summer’s day, but we have lost sight of the spaces where that is even possible. These “third spaces” can be a number of informal settings: libraries, parks, gyms, or coffee shops.

This year has granted me so many lush opportunities, and I am grateful for the lessons learned and the milestones achieved. As I come to a close I would love to hear your thoughts. What are some of the lessons you have learned this year?

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Happiest of holidays!