“Honesty and openness is always the foundation of insightful dialogue.” ~bell hooks

When I was younger, a common party game that my family would play was “Battle of the Sexes.” Not sure if any of you have heard of it, but it essentially was a men vs. women game where the teams would answer questions about the opposite sex. Usually, it was questions like, “Identify this tool…” and it was a wrench or a mascara wand.

As a girl, I wanted to play so bad. There was no way that a man could guess anything related to women because the men I knew never really paid attention unless it benefited them in some way, and men were simple.

As a woman, better yet as a human, I am glad those days of “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” are over. Reducing men’s and women’s feelings into categories of differences when, in reality, we all just want to be loved, cared for, and respected. And if we really want to open that wound, we all ultimately want safety.

Don’t get me wrong, there are certainly differences, but differences don’t always equate to lesser beings. Rather, they simply mean that we move through life differently because of the circumstances that we were given.

Men were given a vice. Blame anything but themselves in fear of meeting who they are underneath. Accountability never really mattered as long as it was disguised as bravery, but here they sit broken. Labeled as “the most violent,” “the most likely to give up when things get tough,” because we let on as a society that we don’t care unless noise is made and by then it is usually too late.

But maybe, just maybe it is okay for boys to cry, and it is even more okay to listen, even if it makes us feel uncomfortable. If we automatically assume bad, then what other way is there to be? Healing is beneficial for everyone.

Women are often left with the emotions left behind. It is okay for a woman to be emotional, maybe even a little crazy, just not too crazy. And definitely not on behalf of her duties being born a woman. Weaker. Meeker. And thought to be unintelligent, although generations would expose those as lies. Yet it is always unsafe from the very people who say we need protection.

So here we sit. At odds. The children are watching, waiting to take the weight of their generational curses. Most of them are already giving into the pressures of the culture we have created for them, unable to connect with half the population based on the differences we told them they should have.

But it is all the woman’s fault… or maybe it’s the man? What am I supposed to think again?

We don’t have to choose to sit in our differences all the time. We can learn ourselves and the way we move through the world, both as individuals and together. Understand that sameness is not the same thing as the collective. We can live in differences that lean on the benefit of the general good. Strength doesn’t exist in a binary. Boundaries make those spaces safe. And purple hair really is just purple… I promise.

At the end of the day, none of us asked to be born. Not our mothers, not our fathers, definitely not me or you, yet we are here. Born from the stars and made conscious. We are not enemies by nature. So move like the stars blessed you. Like you are all connected.

With love only,

Shay

P.S. I hope your weekend is restful and safe. Maybe say hello to your neighbor or enjoy the spring weather. Happy equinox everyone!

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