I’ve been thinking a lot about the word respect. Something we have all heard and we have all definitely been in trouble for. Through school we are taught that it is one of the pillars of being a good community member. If you grew up as a Christian you have probably heard “respect your father and mother” or ‘respect your husband’. And if you haven’t heard it from there, you have most certainly heard Aretha Franklin’s iconic version of the song “Respect”. All of those things are great. Just for the simple fact that as human beings we should have a basic level of respect for each other and for our surroundings. But what I want to talk about today is the flipside of the coin. How we have clouded the definition or the behavior and twisted it into glamorize submission.

Before I get into the nitty gritty, I want to define what the word means to me as well as what the dictionary definition is. This way, we are all on the same page in regards to what I’m talking about. Respect to me means admiration. Something that like anything in life has to be balanced. You obviously have to give everything a basic level of respect but at the same time respect also has to be earned. So to me, respect has levels. According to Merriam Webster, respect means to “consider worthy of high regard”. Key work: consider. If respect is something we should consider, why do we often demand for it?

Prevalent places we see ourselves as a society doing this is among children. From personal experience, I’ve been told in my own childhood, is that “children should be seen not heard” or “you’re not allowed to talk back” usually followed up with some form of punishment. And on the surface, I think that it’s easy for us to say, “yeah the adults no more so therefore the kids should just be quiet and listen”. But that mindset teaches children to just not talk. To keep quiet, keep their head down, and to not have any opinions or at least not any that they can vocalize. It takes away bit by bit from their autonomy. It also brushes off personal accountability. As an adult, it’s our responsibility to take ownership for our choices and to teach children how to properly communicate with each other. That it’s okay to have opinions and to know when and how to vocalize them so long as we present them in ways of respect. Ah I see there’s that word again. We need to be equally respectful and still allow them to practice their own autonomy.

Speaking of adult behavior, we even hold similar expectations for each other. The mindset of ”I am an older adult, I automatically know more, so hush” has always astounded me. As a almost 30 year-old woman I have been told by plenty of people in the 60+ range that I just need to be quiet and listen to them because they know what they’re talking about but again that doesn’t solve anything. Silence doesn’t produce progress. It’s important to remember that everyone comes from different backgrounds and experiences so no matter what the age we all have something to bring to the table. If you are truly comfortable in yourself as an adult and you actually carry the wisdom you say you do, you wouldn’t be offended by someone talking and if you are, you would have the tools to talk it out. 

We’ve even weaponized the concept of respect between men and women. Young men are told they’re not getting enough of it, while young women are told they’re not giving enough. And by the time both grow older, with fully developed minds, we find ourselves at odds… not because one gender failed the other, but because neither was ever given the respect they needed simply as human beings. Respect isn’t gender-specific. It isn’t about hierarchy. It’s about balance. Yet we’ve turned it into something that cuts instead of heals. That silences instead of strengthens.

At the end of the day, it’s easy to tell you my opinion and I don’t want to just hand you a definition and call it done. I want to invite you to really sit with the word respect. What does it mean to you? How has it shaped your voice?  Your relationships? Sense of self? After reading this, do you see it the same way I do… or differently?

🎡Fun Fact: The song ‘Respect‘ was actually written first recorded by Otis Redding (The King of Soul, a true icon in his own right) in 1965, but it was made legendary by Aretha Franklin‘s cover in 1967 … becoming a culturally iconic song for the civil rights movement.

With love and respect 😉,

Shay

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